People Are Strange, When You're a Stranger

     Far be it for me to judge anyone on looks, especially on this trip. I'm a disheveled mess more than half the time myself. But we've encountered some strange looking and behaving folks out here, and I'd be remiss in my blogging if I didn't chronicle at least a few of them.

Mr. Mojo Risin had it right...

     The first one that springs to mind was a homeless man we encountered in San Francisco. It was a sunny weekday around 3pm. We were walking along, taking in the sights, unknowingly about to stumble on a sight we wouldn't soon forget. As we approached, the man looked up at us with the bleary, red eyes of a bloodhound. He had set up blankets between some shrubs and the fence surrounding a parking lot. I disengaged eye contact as swiftly as possible, to avoid a request for change. As my eyes darted away from his, I noticed quite a lot of commotion underneath the blankets. Riskily, I looked back as we kept walking and verified what my brain initially assumed. He was masturbating furiously under those blankets. I mean, really having a go. If I was more naive, I might have thought he was trying to pull-start a little lawnmower in there. The blanket pumped up and down with such ferocity, I have to admit...I was more than a little impressed with his determination. Broad daylight? Right next to the busy sidewalk? No worries, he's getting it done!

Didn't think you could do this on a city street, but proven wrong once again...

     Another fella that caused us to do a double-take, certainly less bawdy, but no less fascinating to peer at, was driving across the Mackinac Bridge in Michigan. This man was a member of the Canadian Army, dressed in full regalia, driving a cargo truck (I'm pretty sure it was an M925 A1 5-ton, but as I only saw it briefly, it may also have been an M813 with Super Singles...forgive my embarrassing lack of attention to detail). Now, an officer in the Canadian Army isn't something you see every day. What was especially interesting though, was his uncanny resemblance to Popeye. Not Robin Williams as Popeye, but the actual cartoon character. Eyes squinted, face puckered in, and that chin; my goodness, what a chin! Hyperbole aside, it seriously jutted out at least 4 inches. I believe JZ said it best when he declared, "You could hang a coat from that thing!"

Protecting Canada's borders since 1929.

 

 

     While driving through South Dakota, before we reached the Badlands, we spent many hours traversing what I call the "Mediocrelands." This is a vast expanse (most of the state, to be frank) where there just really isn't anything of interest. Lonely country roads, broad plains, and a tumbleweed here or there to add some spice to the landscape. It was here in the Mediocrelands that we saw the third specimen we'll examine in this blog. On the side of the road, dozens of miles from any sort of civilization, was a Native American man, just...standing. He had nothing with him, no pack of any sort, and didn't appear to be heading in either direction. He was just...standing. How he got out that far, what he was doing, how he got back, all of these questions still haunt me. His face was expressionless, but as we whizzed past, (and it very well may have been my imagination) I could swear I saw a single tear streaking down his face like in that old commercial...

This guy was actually Italian.

      There's dozens of other odd characters we've seen - Park Ranger Gypsy McFelter, the woman who we suspected was really the Three Stooges on each others shoulders under a bedsheet, Ma and Pa Kettle, and of course, the man from Alabama who liked to brew coffee in the shithouse. It'd take days to detail all their quirks and stories, so I leave you with just a taste of these American Characters.